Why do you do what you do? Why don’t you do what you say you’ll do? Hint: everything you do (and don’t do) is to get a need met.

Self-Awareness is about getting a clear understanding of human nature, and your specific nature, so you can choose new ways of being. Self-awareness frees you from a life of compulsive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors (this is reaction) and allows you to be in the present moment and live intentionally.

Your subconscious beliefs about yourself, and the world you live in, are driving your entire experience of life. These beliefs are formed in childhood/adolescence and are often referred to as “limiting beliefs”.

Your subconscious is giving “meaning” to everything that comes in through your senses and you are living in reaction to these meanings. What was once used as a way of making sense of your world at a younger age has become the very thing that is keeping you feeling stuck today.

This process is a truly tailored, one-on-one experience to get to know your world, inside and out. More than simply coaching, this process takes on the roles of teacher, researcher, philosopher, friend and coach, so you are able to make conscious, intentional choices.

The goal is freedom. Freedom from mental and emotional blindspots that are running in the background on autopilot.

Relationships are our greatest teachers. From intimate relationships to family-of-origin to colleagues to friends, etc. We are constantly relating to other people, and therefore, constantly in relationships- all with differing unspoken rules and boundaries. Through self-awareness and subconscious coaching you will uncover beliefs that are influencing every relationship you have. If you’ve ever thought that “getting away” from certain people will “solve” your problems this could be an indication that your beliefs and perceptions are keeping you looking for a solution outside of yourself. For example- “If only they were different, then everything would be okay.” Rest assured- there is a more effective way.

Do you ever feel like you wished you wouldn’t have reacted in anger? Do you feel confused about what made you so angry even a short time before? There’s nothing wrong with anger but there is a more effective way of expressing yourself. In short, children express anger to get their needs met (or atleast try to get their needs met). Some adults subconsciously revert back to childhood communication techniques that worked in the past. However, there are more severe consequences for an adult that uses this communication technique. For example- isolation. Get to know yourself and learn why you are actually angry. Anger has nothing to do with a person or a circumstance but everything to do with the “meaning” you are subconsciously creating unbeknowst to you.

In other words, escaping. The reality of life is so stressful, heavy, and/or boring that you need to escape. No judgment but it’s important to be objective here. Are your actions impulsive or intentional? Do you go from one escape to another? Numbing (escaping) comes in all types of sizes and flavors- alcohol, prescription drugs, gambling, porn, shopping, instagram, etc. No judgment. You are simply trying to get an emotional need met, subconsciously. The goal is freedom to live with intention instead of succumbing to impulse. Start to identify your emotional needs and you’ll start to build a life of freedom.

Let’s get accurate on this one- you’re scared. No judgment. Now you can deal with the actual problem. Many clients want to talk about “self-confidence” and “rejection” and work on a plan to get more confident and overcome rejection. This is well intended but it cannot be done effectively because they are not addressing the root cause, which is “I’m scared of [fill in the blank].” Okay, great, now we can start dealing with dissolving self-confidence issues. Not solving- dissolving. The real problem has been rooted in “I’m scared” and the unlock is looking into the subconscious beliefs that are keeping you feeling safe.

A general rule of thumb in this world of the mind is that what we lack internally, we will lack externally. In the case of love, if you have a lack of love for yourself, you will be on a quest to find it (because you don’t have it; your mind perceives the lack). You’ll become anybody you have to become to get it and once you get love and you will do anything to keep it, including trapping it, smothering it, and trying keep it just for yourself. This is another example why self-awareness and subconscious work is crucial- you have beliefs and perceptions that were developed in childhood/adolescence and they are running your life today.

Does “success” seem to allude you? Does it feel like you’re on a hamster wheel? Not sure what decisions to make? The actual problem is two-fold. Similarly to Self-Confidence, you’re scared. Secondly, and most importantly, you have not defined “success” for yourself in clear and uncertain terms (in other words, objectively). Most people don’t think about what “success” means to them and instead go along with an uncertain definition that they’ve picked up from their environment and consumption (tv, social, etc). Generally speaking this definition of “success” means that people get what they want- money, job, spouse. There’s nothing wrong with this but let’s make it intentional instead of compulsive.

New cast of characters, same results? This is clear signal that there are subconscious beliefs that are driving your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. These types of patterns are most obvious in work and relationships. For example, going from one job to another (new cast of characters) and believing that the next job will be the one that solves all my problems (same results). There’s a great quote that encapsulates the solution- “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” In other words, your perception of the problem reveals your subconscious beliefs about yourself and how you fit (or don’t fit) into your environment/relationships.

Everything you do is to get a need met. No one is actively aware that they are self-sabotaging in ‘real time’. It’s only with hindsight (even if it’s only 5 seconds later) that we can see things more clearly. This is an emotional issue. In other words, you self sabotage when you are experiencing an emotional state that is uncomfortable. For example, if you’re “under pressure” you are going to “self-sabotage” in order to to get some relief. Once you react and get some relief from the pressure you were experiencing, you can see things more clearly (because you’re not under pressure) and that’s when you are able to see that you would have liked to have done something differently. The solution is clearly identifying your emotional state and then identifying your subconscious beliefs that are creating the experience of the emotional state. In other words, you are generating your experience of being under pressure- why? This work is getting to the root cause.

We all do it to some degree. No judgment. It’s not right, wrong, bad, good. But the reason(s) you do it come from subconscious beliefs that you are not perfectly okay just as you are. That there is something outside of you that will fulfill what you lack for yourself. For example, someone who needs to be respected by other people is doing so because they are lacking respect for themselves. Flip it and see that someone who completely respects themselves (flaws-and-all) will not be subconsciously seeking respect from anyone else and they won’t be in reaction when someone “disrespects” them, they will be confused not upset. The “lie” is that you need anything outside of you to be “complete”. It’s easier to see compensations at play in other people. It’s harder to see compensations at play in our own behaviors; it’s like a fish in water asking “what’s water?”